so i have pretty much avoid googling any cancer stuff. I don't wanna over drama myself, read scenarios i can't imagine or handle. Too much info overload. worst case scenarios. stuff that's not relevant.

I did one day read some forum topics on Pink Ribbon Cowgirls and even that overwhelmed me with the terms i didn't understand and the descriptions of symptoms & side effects.

But a few weeks have gone by, i understand what MY terms mean for the most part, i decided there were a few particular & focused things i wanted to read about.
So i sat at a starbucks as my home internet was down, and typed the words breast cancer estrogen soy, got results, opened a few links in new windows and...guess what? mini public meltdown
it wasn't the subject matter or info uncovered...

I just cannot believe that these search terms relate to me, it's just unbefuckinglievable to me. it still doesn't seem possible. and it doesn't feel fair

It is at times too much to have all these thoughts and decisions, playing different scenarios playing in my head constantly as i try and do the other normal things in my life, mommying being the hardest one to do with ease.
i never knew mental fatigue like this, i'm tired even tho i sleep well

i know...more JUICE :)