Take me back to Tulum

I’m in Tulum at a yoga retreat with some of my dearest friends and realtor colleagues at Compass - this is the 2nd such retreat.

Last year for the inaugural one we went to Costa Rica - that was a BIG DEAL to me.

Folks, i hadn’t flown since I was in the air on  9/11/02 - a whole other story (well there was that one time in 2019 I worked myself up t go to London - I thought that would break the spell but alas…) - but since the metastatic diagnosis i’m definitely in this life to live it and do the things I love and dreamed of doing  - so off to Costa Rica I went, direct flights only, I burst into tears when we landed and I saw palm trees, i held back tears in the immigration line upon seeing giant photos of sloths and such, the gratitude of being in another country, of being back in CR for the first time since i was 20, just was so beautiful. 

Naturally I had an amazing time, made lifelong friends, ate copious tropical fruit, guzzled fresh coconut water by the gallon, found alllll the vegan food, and felt delicious from twice daily yoga.

Back to present times, Erin the realtor/yoga/retreat leader brought the gang back together plus some new cohorts, this time in the idyllic beach resort of Tulum Mexico. 

I have declared 2024 the year of Mexico - Mexico is partially my soul home - it’s in my blood. I’m half Mexican, my father Fernando Labastida was born and raised in Mexico City, and when he travelled to Dallas to study at SMU for a special law program, he met and fell in love with my Dallas mom - hence me (and my brother).  I spent my entire life visiting Mexico city every year, spending summers and Christmas with my Abuelita and all my uncles and aunts. Sometimes we traveled to Acapulco or Cancun or the nearby weekend play ground of Cuerrnavaca. I never spoke fluently as allllll my cousins spoke English perfectly, but I knew enough to walk to the corner shop and buy CocaCola, Gansitos and Orange Crush - it’s as much a part of my childhood identity and DNA as my daily American and later London life. 

But get this - I haven’t been to Mexico since y cousin’s wedding, when my daughter was 1, so 24 years ago.  I missed seeing Abuelita and 2 of my uncles before they passed away - that makes me sad. I feel an emotional pull to Mexico, a deep longing to feel my roots and history, so the year of Mexico it is!

I was very much looking forward to arriving in Tulum and feeling the Mex in me, maybe venturing on a frantic seeking energy.  It was surprising to me that that has eluded me here…

I’ll say as I’m actually writing this part after the trip - that by the end i did fall in love with Tulum, I had some experiences and interactions that inspired a connection and a familiarity - but for the most part, that THING Iwas seeking was elusive and I have some thoughts as to why.

Mostly I think it’s because the Tulum experience is not the ultimate Mexico experience, it’s kind of a created resort based on the insane beauty of the beach and ocean and jungle, it’s paradise, the water is turquoise, the sand is powder white, the trees are palm and there are giant iguanas on the thatched and tin roofs.  How could people not flock there, how could the small secret spiritual town not become well known, luxurious and crowded? It’s idyllic. It’s an instagram feed. 

But that also contributes to the slightly detached contrived vibe that I felt, from the perspective of my frantic seeking of Mexico that I was longing for.  Not to disparage, I highly recommend Tulum and would gladly go back at any moment to frolic on the beach and eat amazing food and stay at sexy resorts (hint hint…lets go)

The retreat was incredible - of course it was - Erin is a wonderful leader and the bonding and friendship that happens at Yoga retreats is unparalleled.

The early bird crew met every morning before sunrise on the beach with our strong ginger teas and watched the sunrise on the horizon with awe. 

The adventurous participated in cold plunges.

The curious visited the ruins

The seekers experienced the Mayan egg ritual

We ate chia pudding, jicama galore and laughed and cried and loved. 

I am tearing up writing this and remembering each experience with my gals.  

To be able to talk about the weird career of Real Estate in paradise fresh from a yoga sesh and go really deep about real life stuff all at the same time is the best.  

I’m not sure where this post concludes as there are multitudes of thing to write on this experience but for now I’ll end it with this…I’m so grateful that cancer woke me up and reminded me what I love about life and that I’m traveling again and doing the things I’ve talked and dreamed about doing for a long time, waiting for some indefinable moment of perfection - I am living the very important, very worthy, somewhat cliche existence of living my life to the max, because non of us know how long we have

Permanence

in my last post i referenced my friend Johnny Goudie’s sweet dog Rosie and the lesson of impermanence and acceptance due to her doggy shenanigans. This happened while I was at Johnny’s apartment recording a podcast episode for his long standing and very popular podcast How Did I Get Here? 

well folks, it’s here, it’s out in the world, so if you want to know more aspects of me give it a listen… HERE - and if you don’t use apple podcasts it’s on spotify too

After it was released the other morning - I kept musing and to be totally truthful, tressing, about what I said that I could’t remember - stressing because that shit is now PERMANENT - it’s out there, it’s recorded, it’s on the everlasting internet.

Now as a person thriving with metastatic cancer, I truly do my best not to think of my life as potentially shorter, I don’t entertain earlier that desirable death, I visualize me in my 70’s going to see music at Sam’s Town Point with my friends and other wild and adventurous escapades, but I’m not immune.  I face the reality of a shortened timeline more tangibly than others and occasionally i go there, my filters fail and I clearly daydream that alternate scenario for snippets. It can serve me well if I use it for good and today a I thought about the permanence of that podcast, I realized that it’s wonderful that it’s there.  There will always be a way for my kids and family and friends to hear my voice, to hear stories about me they may not know that I may not be able to tell in person anymore.  

This makes me want to be on more and more podcasts, or start one, for the pure personal goal of creating a permanence of me, who is impermanent 

I still haven’t had the nerve to listen to it by the way  - hahaha  - but I will say yes if you ask me to be on your podcast.

Impermanence

I’m a coach girl, can’t help it. For the past 3 years since eschewing a purse during the covid era, I’ve carried a small coach pouch in my signature hot pink color and I adore it. it was a gift from a sweet friend. 

the other day I went to my friend Johnny’s house to record an episode if his podcast.  Part of the whole situation and podcast set up in his apartment was to make sure his sweet dog Rosie was well occupied, after the initial excitement of of my arrival she was set with one of those rubber dog treat toys stuffed with cookies…or so we thought.

When we were finished we noticed my beloved pink Coach on the floor and at closer glance it was clear that Rosie’s entertainment and occupation during the recording was my purse, it was chewed up, the zipper tab gone, the zipper broken.  Johnny was understandably mortified and I was appropriately comporting and assuring all was totally fine…”don’t worry, it’s an old thing, it’s no big deal, i have others…” all the words to just make it all better for everyone, I mean it’s not Rosie’s fault, she’s a dog! 

as I thought about it going home, I thought about those words and my purse and I realized that it really was all true, I did not have an attachment to that thing even though I love it and do wish It was still perfect.  As is my wont, I began to unravel these feelings in relation to my life living with cancer and this is my conclusion, my current viewpoint on impermanence.  Life is impermanent, situations are impermanent, objects are impermanent, so why hold on to things that are unchangeable, why struggle to wish it were different, why hold on to a feeling of sadness or anger or loss for any length of time.  It feels better to me to let it go and let it flow and not struggle against an unchangeable facet of a situation. 

So my choices here are thus; be sad and resentful about the loss of a favorite item, scour the internet to find and exact replacement even though it’s like over 5 years old, or let it go and open my closet and grab another great purse type thing that is probably gathering dust in there. 

But it’s not about the purse anyway…it’s about letting go and choosing the flow of impermanence 

the BIG intro

The BIG intro

Hi everyone!

it’s time to kick this thing off and state my purpose, claim my space and update everyone - I started backwards and wrote a post in the moment before I got a chance to intro.

Also this intro is 18 months late - the actual resurgence of Glitter Every Day started officially back in May 2022.

First of all, if you want and and have interest in the full catch up, my archives of my original Glitter Every Day blog posts from Blogger are here to be read.  This was from my 2010 diagnosis of breast cancer when I was 42.  I loved writing them, I love the support and words of love I received from them and sometimes I love re-visiting and seeing what inspired me then, how I coped then. It’s a reminder of my strength and vulnerability during that time and also, vain though it may sound, I can be inspired by myself. I can use some of my old tools and recycle them to this era, things I forgot…and I can be proud of my growth. 

Back to now and the facts.  Back in May 2022, oddly the sane month and I think the same week as May 2010, I was diagnosed with a return of  the same cancer, and this time it’s what known as Stage IV, or metastatic breast cancer.  I’ll explain exactly what this means I’m always surprised that people don’t know, but then most people aren’t in the cancer world like I have been.   Metastatic breast cancer, or any cancer, is when the original cancer comes back or resurfaces, or METASTASIZES,  in a different part of the body than the original site, usually bones or an organ.  Breast cancer typically metastasizes in bones, lung, brain or liver.

In my case they found that it had appeared in 3 bone areas (all left side - rear low rib, 2 lower lumbar and hip), pleural effusion which is fluid surrounding the lung in the pleural space, and a smallish collarbone lymph node/lump.  It was kind of a long path to get to this, starting in March with looking into various things I was feeling, but i don’t feel like detailing that here, I am more than happy to share one on one if anyone is having concerns, but I will say, don’t ignore weird stuff. Back in 2010 I said - don’t ignore boob stuff.  Same thing, bigger deal. 

All i’ll say is that with all of my being I did NOT want to go down the path of seeing my oncologist and facing this reality, anything but this.  The worst fear of any cancer survivor, I became my own nightmare. 

What I will try and do in this space moving forward is  3 fold:

• sometimes post stream of consciousness posts from my heart and current emotions as I am moved

• sometimes go back to my written journals over the past 18 months and speak of the journey in the early days, the growth the learning the incredible life altering awakenings, as these are essential for me to process and to also share

• and finally share some practical practices and insights and tips that work for me

My goal is to heal myself with sharing and processing to hopefully inspire and help others to heal.

Lil secret that I’ll plant right here and will expand on over the months - I’m working right now on an 8 month long certification to be a Cancer Coach through the Cancer Journey Institute, so eventually this site will be a place to also hold offerings and legit support for my community! 

Oh and not to leave you all hanging….I’m doing very well.  I’ve been on treatment, which is oral medications since last July.  I’m on a clinical trial (again I’ll share deets of the treatment on on one or in later posts for info purposes).  I’m responding very well and side effects, although annoying, are thus far tolerable.  I have bloodwork monthly, and more detail bloodwork and CT scans every 3 months to check for any changes.  So far no progression, the bloodwork tumor markers they check for are in the normal range, my last bone scan showed no active cancer there and I feel mostly great!  I work out, I lift weights,  I do yoga, I do joyful things and most excitingly i’m flying again and traveling.

I’m going to do a separate post on my mindset to get to this place of living joyfully as this one is long enough.

I love you

Nanette 

Music is Magic part 1 (not an intro)

this isn’t the big intro post that I’ve been meaning to write for almost 18 months. That will still come I promise. But one of the things I love about public journaling, aka blogging, is the spontaneous in the moment inspiration. Expressing one’s emotions and relating one’s experiences while still buzzing from it all is the most therapeutic for both the writer and the reader in my opinion. So stay tuned to a comprehensive intro to Glitter Every Day blog 2.0, redux, revival or whatever this is and read on for what moved me today.

Music is magic - it’s in it’s ability to make you feel things, to raise your spirits, transport you into a completely different frame of mind, that is magic to me and that is healing.

I love how some songs can bring me to tears at any given moment. Sometimes it’s the actual lyrics and how they hit - happy or sad. Sometimes it’s in the exquisite beauty of the melody, or the plaintive vibe of the vocals, or the ethereal strain of the instrument. Sometimes it’s just the energy of the song and you surprise yourself with the tears springing out because the words don’t even relate to you at all.

Sometimes it’s the way the song transports your to another time in your life or an event that was significant and it feels so good, or so painful, but it’s just what you needed. I recently attended a Sacred Self Care women’s retreat, it wasn’t a cancer retreat but there were a few survivors there and it was a deeply heart led event, the music was brilliantly curated, now when I listen to the playlist i can FEEL the exact moment of that song during whatever thing we were doing, dancing, honoring a sister, journaling and I get the goosebumps, tears and connection all over again, it’s so so powerful

So yeah, adding a little dancing to or singing along and whoooooo SUPER POWER MAGIC. Extremely cathartic. I wrote in my OG glitter every day blog (in the archives here) about my happiness project of dancing and it’s a practice that still holds. Thank goodness there’s no hidden cameras in my house! Nowadays I sometimes listen and sing while bouncing on my rebounder - double the healing!

Today the song that got me inspired was Bluebird Wine by Emmylou Harris. It has such a positive energy to it and her voice is always sublime, but it’s the line “I just hit my stride” that hits… I just had great bone scans, I’m feeling good, I made a delish smoothie and yeah, I have hit my stride and it’s all gonna be ok.