Age vs Energy

There’s always so much chatter about aging, getting older, combatting aging, anti-aging, blah blah blah - it’s obviously a huge opportunity for marketing products, services and botox. 

It is often a brutal kick in the ass when you look in the mirror one day and see the signs on your face, or that longing nostalgia when you see an old picture of yourself younger and then…compare…with yourself…that’s not ever a good thing. I won’t even go into the media and the images we are bombarded with.

This is even harder when you have gone through cancer treatment and it seems like the aging is accelerated, like one year you were energetic, fun loving, cute, had great hair and light in your eyes, and next thing you know, aches, exhaustion, dull skin, weird ass hair (not ass hair, that does not happen), sadness in your eyes, and you are a different person, in too short of a time for it to feel ok. 

I’m not immune to all of this, I am not gonna gloss over it all and say it’s easy, but I do have a lot to say on the alternative perspectives and I believe in them deeply.  I will admit that genetically and perhaps lifestyle-y I am blessed with a propensity to appear younger than my number age, or what people think my number age is supposed to look like, and this is part of the comparison problem, everyone is truly different at a base level and sometimes we just can’t have what we wish we had when it comes to some physical things, c’est la vie.

Genetics aside, I still have hair ravaged by cancer treatment, a face that does not look like it did even 5 years ago let alone 15 and other “signs” if aging that depending on the day I find hard to accept - it really all has to do with my mood and how much I’m showing up for the other joy seeking moments in my life. 

But we can change our thoughts, this is in our power and it’s a powerful thing. 

Consider the quote in the photo attached in this post -  “I don’t believe in age, I believe in energy. Don’t let age dictate what you can and cannot do” - said by Tao Porchon-Lynch who taught yoga till she was 100 years old, so much packed in here.  You might say but age IS a factor in why I can’t…but the reality is, there is someone out there the same age that is doing that thing, so it could be said that the number age is not a factor.

I so believe in energy, and attitude and living an authentic vibrant life where you choose joy as much as possible. I also believe in exercise and incredible nutrition and stress reducing practices. These all contribute to that energy that Porchon-Lynch is referring to in that quote.  

Think about the Rolling Stones, and of course specifically Mick Jagger.  It seems impossible that he can move and dance and sing like that “at his age”, and the anomaly that is Kieth Richards, who’s hard living lifestyle is notorious, so many memes about that guy. But I think there’s a log to be said about the fact that they still do what they love, they ARE musicians, and they live the life they love and have fun (at least what we can see from what is shown to us the mere public).  

Another public person I admire who has a wonderful perspective on age is Diane Von Furstenberg - she says “I think that people are too afraid of aging. But aging is a good thing. Aging proves that you have already lived”  I love this.  

I realize that both these celebrity examples have some money and privilege and genetics to contribute to embracing a lifestyle that might make some of these things softer to absorb but I believe that it’s within all of our reach to change something in our outlook 

If we weren’t getting older that means we would be dead. Some of the issue could bee n the words, aging vs getting older.  Aging maybe sounds like something that’s declining and nearing the end, getting old is just…years passing.  

Getting older means being more wise, developing more compassion for ourselves and for others, more experiences to enrich and flavor our lives, and definitely means having way less fucks to give.  

Wrinkles do not change that, not running marathons or taking cross fit does not change that. Not that age has to affect those things either!  

A little botox or filler if that makes you happy is not a terrible thing - but nothing changes if your outlook and perspective don’t change too. 

So here’s my prescription for love your age no matter what:

1. do what makes you happy

2. move your body as joyfully as possible 

3. acknowledge your incredible experiences thus far

4. gratitude for LIFE and being alive

5. and it doesn’t hurt to eat vibrant life-force giving foods and not doing harmful things like smoking or drinking 

6. practice stress reducing stuff like mediation and sound baths and all that juicy stuff

Also - Dr. Michael Greger wrote an AMAZING book called How Not To Age that will blow your everloving mind - highly recommend.  

Life is too short to waste your energy on trying to combat things out of your control, and too wonderful to not practice and enjoy the things that are.  We are all dying, none of us know when, so find that glitter in the every day

If you are a cancer thriver you know that all too well and if that’s a struggle for you - I’m here for you, reach out

2 Years

This morning, May 13 2024 as I write this, I got out my journal to do some morning writing and accidentally opened the book to May 14th 2023 - it was mothers day - and that entry was so full of pain and angst. It surprised me.  That’s not my common state and it was also 1 year in, it read like a post from the begining days of stage 4. But I spoke of the exhaustion of 1 year of of living this way, 1 year of DAILY waking up to a life with stage 4 cancer, of making health decisions, of discerning which healing path or modality, of keeping sprits up, of worrying, of seeking joy. I wrote of feeling sludgy and heavy and tired. I expressed overwhelm, turmoil, exhaustion and disbelief that my life was such a roller coaster managing all of this.  Ok this is scary to write, but I also wrote these words “I can’t find the will, the reason for living today, the thing that makes all this worth it, when will it stop? when I’m dead? Right now that sounds easier” 

I almost can’t believe I wrote that and felt that, but I’m glad I did. It makes me emotional to read, but it feels good and it’s important to be reminded of all the aspects of of this diagnosis.  I did find the joy and purpose again and not long after that I took my first plane trip in a million years to Costa Rica for that first Compass yoga retreat and felt so alive and amazing. But this does remind me that I will feel that despair again and I will feel the joy again.  Trust the process and know that spark of hope is always there and the light will come back.  I have to know that to keep me resilient. 

I explore some spiritual teachings with a mentor of mine in Marfa TX and we recently had a discussion about the energy of the mother, how she can hold you in an uncompromising embrace which allows for the surrender, the safety and comfort to allow the feelings to exist, to allow fo the falling apart. I’m not sure that i felt that embrace completely a year ago but I must have to a have allowed those words to flow from me. Now I am much more centered in that energy and am willing to explore more discomfort in order to move through to more and more and more ease. 

I looked back at a previous writing about struggle and ease that I just finished just before starting this post and I wrote about how existence is hard, so it was poignant to be reminded of that hard right now when I feel so much ease. I embrace all of me and all of this crazy experience - I contain multitudes 

Impermanence

I’m a coach girl, can’t help it. For the past 3 years since eschewing a purse during the covid era, I’ve carried a small coach pouch in my signature hot pink color and I adore it. it was a gift from a sweet friend. 

the other day I went to my friend Johnny’s house to record an episode if his podcast.  Part of the whole situation and podcast set up in his apartment was to make sure his sweet dog Rosie was well occupied, after the initial excitement of of my arrival she was set with one of those rubber dog treat toys stuffed with cookies…or so we thought.

When we were finished we noticed my beloved pink Coach on the floor and at closer glance it was clear that Rosie’s entertainment and occupation during the recording was my purse, it was chewed up, the zipper tab gone, the zipper broken.  Johnny was understandably mortified and I was appropriately comporting and assuring all was totally fine…”don’t worry, it’s an old thing, it’s no big deal, i have others…” all the words to just make it all better for everyone, I mean it’s not Rosie’s fault, she’s a dog! 

as I thought about it going home, I thought about those words and my purse and I realized that it really was all true, I did not have an attachment to that thing even though I love it and do wish It was still perfect.  As is my wont, I began to unravel these feelings in relation to my life living with cancer and this is my conclusion, my current viewpoint on impermanence.  Life is impermanent, situations are impermanent, objects are impermanent, so why hold on to things that are unchangeable, why struggle to wish it were different, why hold on to a feeling of sadness or anger or loss for any length of time.  It feels better to me to let it go and let it flow and not struggle against an unchangeable facet of a situation. 

So my choices here are thus; be sad and resentful about the loss of a favorite item, scour the internet to find and exact replacement even though it’s like over 5 years old, or let it go and open my closet and grab another great purse type thing that is probably gathering dust in there. 

But it’s not about the purse anyway…it’s about letting go and choosing the flow of impermanence 

the BIG intro

The BIG intro

Hi everyone!

it’s time to kick this thing off and state my purpose, claim my space and update everyone - I started backwards and wrote a post in the moment before I got a chance to intro.

Also this intro is 18 months late - the actual resurgence of Glitter Every Day started officially back in May 2022.

First of all, if you want and and have interest in the full catch up, my archives of my original Glitter Every Day blog posts from Blogger are here to be read.  This was from my 2010 diagnosis of breast cancer when I was 42.  I loved writing them, I love the support and words of love I received from them and sometimes I love re-visiting and seeing what inspired me then, how I coped then. It’s a reminder of my strength and vulnerability during that time and also, vain though it may sound, I can be inspired by myself. I can use some of my old tools and recycle them to this era, things I forgot…and I can be proud of my growth. 

Back to now and the facts.  Back in May 2022, oddly the sane month and I think the same week as May 2010, I was diagnosed with a return of  the same cancer, and this time it’s what known as Stage IV, or metastatic breast cancer.  I’ll explain exactly what this means I’m always surprised that people don’t know, but then most people aren’t in the cancer world like I have been.   Metastatic breast cancer, or any cancer, is when the original cancer comes back or resurfaces, or METASTASIZES,  in a different part of the body than the original site, usually bones or an organ.  Breast cancer typically metastasizes in bones, lung, brain or liver.

In my case they found that it had appeared in 3 bone areas (all left side - rear low rib, 2 lower lumbar and hip), pleural effusion which is fluid surrounding the lung in the pleural space, and a smallish collarbone lymph node/lump.  It was kind of a long path to get to this, starting in March with looking into various things I was feeling, but i don’t feel like detailing that here, I am more than happy to share one on one if anyone is having concerns, but I will say, don’t ignore weird stuff. Back in 2010 I said - don’t ignore boob stuff.  Same thing, bigger deal. 

All i’ll say is that with all of my being I did NOT want to go down the path of seeing my oncologist and facing this reality, anything but this.  The worst fear of any cancer survivor, I became my own nightmare. 

What I will try and do in this space moving forward is  3 fold:

• sometimes post stream of consciousness posts from my heart and current emotions as I am moved

• sometimes go back to my written journals over the past 18 months and speak of the journey in the early days, the growth the learning the incredible life altering awakenings, as these are essential for me to process and to also share

• and finally share some practical practices and insights and tips that work for me

My goal is to heal myself with sharing and processing to hopefully inspire and help others to heal.

Lil secret that I’ll plant right here and will expand on over the months - I’m working right now on an 8 month long certification to be a Cancer Coach through the Cancer Journey Institute, so eventually this site will be a place to also hold offerings and legit support for my community! 

Oh and not to leave you all hanging….I’m doing very well.  I’ve been on treatment, which is oral medications since last July.  I’m on a clinical trial (again I’ll share deets of the treatment on on one or in later posts for info purposes).  I’m responding very well and side effects, although annoying, are thus far tolerable.  I have bloodwork monthly, and more detail bloodwork and CT scans every 3 months to check for any changes.  So far no progression, the bloodwork tumor markers they check for are in the normal range, my last bone scan showed no active cancer there and I feel mostly great!  I work out, I lift weights,  I do yoga, I do joyful things and most excitingly i’m flying again and traveling.

I’m going to do a separate post on my mindset to get to this place of living joyfully as this one is long enough.

I love you

Nanette