wow, so it's been a month ish that i've written here. I guess it's been a pretty rough month and i didn't feel like whine writing. sometimes it helps but sometimes it gets on my own nerves to hear me.

it's been a rough month for a number of reasons. i think a lot has to do emotionaly with a coming down of sorts from the drama of surgury & chemo. now it's past, life is getting back to normal, except it's not.

I started Tamoxifen - that could have a lot to do with it. it can cause emotional shit & depression. I thought i was weepy before?? it sucks

I've finished getting the expanders expanded, but the last three were super painful & uncomfortable, shockingly so. No as I await surgery the pain is gone but they are still ridic uncomfortable. I don't know how to dress even sometimes.

Finances have been a strain - in real estate you have to be always working a few months ahead to keep it steady, screeching to a halt this summer is still affecting me. Working my ass off now. Loving it but disheartening for earnings not to be reliable like a job job

I want my head hear to be more normal, it is growing back tho, but i can see how slow it's gonna be, i'm ready for the Ellen do.
And this today, i noticed that my eybrows are now falling out. 6 weeks since my last chemo!!!??? seems unfair. I'm patching together normalness, this feels like a set back.

ok purged. done. I am not great at wallowing. don't worry, i have cried a ton. I just know that if i get too caught up in the sad i won't move forward somewhere. I have to work, i have to be a good mom, i have to make money and i like those things, so i don't want to mess them up.
I will go to Sephora this weekend and ask a girl or guy there to help, and i will purchase some excellent brow product no matter how much it costs. Maybe i need a new glitter eyeliner to remind me?

PS - my replacemnt surgery is December 14th - for you lay people - that's new boob surgery. yahooooooo

yeah, today i feel the first signs of the hair falling out - i'm on the verge of tears constantly, even though of course i was expecting this, and i was even expecting to feel this way, i still feel unprepared to cope.

I have scarves galore, i have an appointment with the American Cancer Society for my 2 free wigs, i have confidence somewhere inside me, but i still want to cry, and i still don't want it to happen.

i also have a beautiful silk pillow case that my friend Christina from My Soul to Keep gave me, supposed to be good for all this

PS did you know the Amercian Cancer Society will give cancer patients 2 free wigs with a fitting and everything? AND they also offer Look Good, Feel Better program which includs a free makeup kit, to help with makeup & stuff durinig treatemt? Look it up, it's awesome